Recently, I watched “Queen Charlotte, A Bridgerton Story” on Netflix. It’s a love story, but an unusual one. It’s fiction based on a true story apparently. There are a few accounts of Queen Charlotte of England having been from a mixed cultural heritage, however, history books have chosen not to deal with it. However, the director of this show wanted to shine light on this specific element, and explore a hypothetical plot line where the society is more inclusive and embraces diversity.
```There’s a singular narrative on what a good relationship entails - couple has common interests, political or spiritual leaning, they never fight, they have great sex, they lead a hedonistic lifestyle, constantly pouring each other with presents/ praises, they are soulmates and independently satisfy all their partners’ needs consistently, forever.```
you've forgotten to mention "have common friends" or "get along with each other's friends and relatives" - a common reason used by people to break up.
"...playing infinite long-term games with uncertain pay off, being hopeful during difficult times, bouncing back up with resilience and the sheer physical and emotional labor of coordinating with another human being on daily decisions." Marriage life beautifully summarized !
If you have correct references to marriage and know what you are getting into, that's half the battle won. You cant have answers if you cant frame the questions correctly.
This hit hard because I am also in a relationship with a man diagnosed with ADHD and depression. Whenever I have spoken to someone on the fence about my relationship, they have always reminded me that walking out would be easier. But, I don't want to because I derive joy with him, despite the myriad challenges. And it matters that I see him trying to deal with it.
"But you can’t understand the depth of any of this if you remain half-hearted in a marriage with an eye always towards the emergency exit." This line - I have done this; anytime I hit a challenge I wonder, would it be smart to walk away now while I am still young and have 'options'? I feel ashamed of thinking this way, because I dont think my partner wavers in his choice of me.....
After 7 years I have chosen to end the relationship with my ADHD (self diagnosed) partner. It has been a very difficult choice to make not least because she has so many positive qualities. Deep appreciation to your husband and you for creating an unique togetherness that just seems impossible to the likes of me.
For me, perhaps the real decision point was that I am also challenged and knowing that about myself made it clear to me that this would be a very difficult future for the both of us.