Life update

change, fulfilment and pain

I birthed a human, a couple of weeks ago.

As you can imagine, the last few days have been a big blob of blur with one day melting so gently into another, that I’d forgotten everything about my life other than mommy-ing.

But sitting at my desk just now, writing this while watching over the baby, feels good.

A personal relationship transition

This wasn’t on the menu for this year when it started. I knew we were in a “relationship transition” because at the end of last year, I was out of a job less than a year back into employment (post entrepreneurship, covid, etc.), contemplating my next career move.

I was cognisant that my professional choices would have a profound impact on my personal life, at least temporarily. But before I could make any big decisions,I found out I was pregnant, making this transition a little more interesting.

If that wasn't enough, within a couple of months, my husband decided to make a career switch too - from employment to entrepreneurship.

For most people, juggling two career transitions and a baby would sound insane, but funnily enough, we were familiar with this from the time we’d had our first child.

When our daughter was born, I was building a business and my husband was in between projects as a freelance management consultant. We didn’t have a full-time occupation or a regular source of income. It can be scary, if you’ve never done it.

But we managed fine.

I even unexpectedly earned my first $ from marriagebrokerauntie just after my first child was born. We learnt to ruthlessly prioritise in every aspect of our lives, conscious that our relationship/ family was the topmost priority given all the changes we were dealing with, including an imminent international relocation.

Somehow, that gives me hope that we’ll get through the current transition too.

Fulfilment at work

When I got back from the hospital, I received an email from an old client who is getting married. She’d left me a thank you note for our sessions that had helped her find the partner of her dreams. It felt so nice.

With writing, I get immediate feedback. But with advisory, people don’t see the benefit of our work together (if they do) for several weeks, months or years. So, I don’t expect to hear from people, but I inevitably do from most people I’ve worked with, and that too when I least expect it.

I truly believe that being clear about what you want clears the way for opportunities.

Sometimes, we all need help from someone, may be a friend, to help clear the fog that’s preventing us from seeing what we ought to, and I feel grateful to be that “clarity partner” for people with relationships.

Being present with pain

Recently, I’d taken a quiz on neurodivergence, where there was a question - are you able to easily identify your feelings?

Upon reflection, I responded that I couldn’t.

It felt like a bizarre admission by someone who is known to be deeply empathetic, and quick at identifying other peoples’ feelings and thoughts. But it’s not as insane as you’d imagine because the part of the brain responsible for “feelings” is different from the one that’s responsible for “empathy”.

Your amygdala helps you process feelings, while your insular cortex is responsible for empathy, or your ability to identify and understand others’ feelings.

So, may be, I have a highly evolved insular cortex, and not so evolved amygdala?

When faced with pain, I blank out at first. But after the numbness wears off, the memory of the incident floods my entire being, for much longer, and with much more force than the original incident probably warrants.

When I was in the hospital last month, I had a revelation about how I process pain.

Turns out, I have trouble being present with pain not just mentally, but even physically.

As soon as I’d had my first shower post surgery, I refused to look at the area where I’d been cut open, even though there was a dressing on top. It took me 24 hours before I could muster enough courage to look at the dressing. Last week, when the doctor got my dressing out, once again, I couldn’t look at my bare scar until the next morning.

Everybody has a process for dealing with pain, and may be not being present with pain is mine? This influences how I deal with conflict in my relationships - I need time before I can become conscious of my “feelings” and then engage in resolution.

But feelings triggered by a memory is detached from reality, and hence, dangerous. Instead, when you deal with every moment then and there, without baggage, you are much more hinged to reality and likely to make more conscious choices.

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What I’m reading/ watching/ listening to:

Dating Tools: I found this interesting tweet about the array of products to support single folks in their dating journey. I am no extrovert, but seeing the number of “tools” one needs to effectively date online, I am wondering if it’s easier to develop the skills to socialise in real-life to maximise your chances of finding a partner? What do you single folks think?

Fear and Loathing in La Liga by Sid Lowe: Although I’ve not been registering the names of footballers, the trivia on Spanish and Catalan culture is interesting.

The Real Dictators: Found this podcast when I was researching something for a travel piece on lifeofpri - super interesting.

Pasteis in Portugal: I wrote about a trip to Lisbon, which now feels like a distant memory, especially given that I won’t be travelling anywhere for a while now.

Shapely Gal song: Kiss You by Panama, YANIC