You are tackling one of the most difficult subjects:) in reading this article I was struck by how nuanced the discussion gets. In your own personal life, you struck the note of giving it a long time. I think the question most of us faced is - at what point do we give up and walk away? In my case I am amazed - one relationship of 18 years and one of 7 years. Were they toxic - probably to both parties. I cut my time down by half, but even 7 years is a long time to be in a toxic love relationship. So, then do we cut losses early? Some of us have difficulty with that - we are used to thinking that some day our parents will change and that day never comes - and likewise applying the same principle to our love relationships. In cases like ours, some clear signs of toxicity would help since we can't recognize them for what they are ourselves given that its the kind of love we got from our parents. And how we receive love and give love is inextricably shaped by how we received love from our parents.
Do you stay or leave - that's one of the hardest questions to answer. Unfortunately, it's one that each one of us has to answer for ourselves, especially because what's toxic for you may not be toxic for me and vice versa. I teach a course on relationships, and one of the modules I was working on today was precisely about this - programming that we inherit from our parents, and how to deal with it. I will leave you with a line from my presentation (the key message, in fact) - while family relationships may be given, creating and maintaining healthy support systems is a conscious choice that requires both acceptance of what we cannot change and courage to build what we need.
You are tackling one of the most difficult subjects:) in reading this article I was struck by how nuanced the discussion gets. In your own personal life, you struck the note of giving it a long time. I think the question most of us faced is - at what point do we give up and walk away? In my case I am amazed - one relationship of 18 years and one of 7 years. Were they toxic - probably to both parties. I cut my time down by half, but even 7 years is a long time to be in a toxic love relationship. So, then do we cut losses early? Some of us have difficulty with that - we are used to thinking that some day our parents will change and that day never comes - and likewise applying the same principle to our love relationships. In cases like ours, some clear signs of toxicity would help since we can't recognize them for what they are ourselves given that its the kind of love we got from our parents. And how we receive love and give love is inextricably shaped by how we received love from our parents.
Do you stay or leave - that's one of the hardest questions to answer. Unfortunately, it's one that each one of us has to answer for ourselves, especially because what's toxic for you may not be toxic for me and vice versa. I teach a course on relationships, and one of the modules I was working on today was precisely about this - programming that we inherit from our parents, and how to deal with it. I will leave you with a line from my presentation (the key message, in fact) - while family relationships may be given, creating and maintaining healthy support systems is a conscious choice that requires both acceptance of what we cannot change and courage to build what we need.
I’m in a toxic relationship with so many TV shows 😅😇