Self-Love

Shapely Gal is a newsletter that discusses love, relationships, marriage and the various markets these are traded on. This newsletter is a concoction of observations, theories, ideas, real stories, figments of imagination and sometimes just rants on romantic relationships.

The last 6-7 months have been the been the strangest ever. While the physical isolation may have helped us stay physically healthy, we’ve barely survived. Emotionally speaking. Loss of human contact has been harder to grapple with than anyone had ever imagined. Sure, we’re moving into a very virtual world, but do we really want to?

People are talking about zoom fatigue, others are complaining about supply having dried out on dating apps. But underneath all of this is so much more - grief, loneliness and fear. People are desperate to break away from all this social isolation, but it’s never been harder to engage somebody in conversation when they may be doing a billion other things all at the same time.

You want to talk, but you’re afraid they won’t listen. So you won’t try, but you wish they would. But they don’t. They could be thinking the same thing as you. Neither of you will know. But what if you didn’t think about them, and thought about yourself instead?

It is like what they say on a plane - put your mask on first, and then help others. Right now, it feels like you are on a plunging plane, not putting your oxygen mask on because no one’s trying to help you, and you are on a plane full of people like you.

So, I invite you to take a step back, and take a good look at yourself.

My parents have been looking out for the last few years, but I wasn’t serious about it then. In January this year, I decided to get involved in the process as well. In the beginning, I was just trying to understand how this works, but then covid happened. Since then, it’s been really hard to make any progress. I don’t get too many matches, and the few matches I get don’t respond to my messages. I don’t know if people are falling sick, and hence, inactive on these apps? Or am I doing something wrong? Should I take a break?

I was supposed to do an MBA this year, and I thought I’ll get engaged before I move abroad, but now I am not sure about either of these things. People are skeptical about moving abroad at this point of time with all that’s happening. Do you think doing an MBA is the right move? or will my market shrink?

I’d come home from the US in February, but I’ve been stuck here for the last 7 months. Men in the US are skeptical about pursuing conversations with me because frankly I don’t know when I’ll be able to head back. I am not interested in meeting anyone based in India, as my life is in the US. But I am not getting any younger either. I feel stuck.

I’d given up on going the arranged marriage way, and I’d made grand plans beginning of the year to go out every weekend and meet people in real life through meet ups and events. This was my new year resolution in fact - to shed my shy self, and socialise offline. I think me deciding to date was enough of a sign for the universe to collapse.

As it is, given my profile, it’s not easy to find a match. Covid’s really been so unkind. Whatever little chance I may have had of meeting someone interesting in another part of the world is now crushed. You can’t just date virtually forever. You’re too tired to give anyone that kind of attention. We’re only hanging on to each other as a last resort, because god knows if this will ever end.

These are some of the stories I’ve heard in the last couple of months amongst many others that reeked of anxiety, helplessness and a general sense of loss of control over one’s own life.

Do we have control over anything at all, but ourselves (well, kind of)?

I just want to reach out, and hold someone tight.

I want to feel their warmth around me.

I don’t want to be a call away, I want to be in your arms.

Wait.

Start with yourself.

Pause, and hold yourself tight.

There’s never been a better time to just hit the pause button, look at yourself in the mirror and show yourself some love, and to receive some of that love. There’s no better way to feel a bit more in control, especially in these times when there’s very little to hold on to.

This month is all about self love - why it is important to love ourselves, what loving ourselves means, how we can practice it everyday and what self-love can do for us, especially in terms of preparing us to be able to invite another person into our lives.

So follow me on this journey of falling in love with yourself.


More from Shapely Gal

Here’s a little sneak peak into the various projects I am working on:

  1. Self Love: As you know, this month is all about self-love. At this point in the pandemic, we have to hold ourselves tight. The uncertainty is a lot to bear. So, I am launching a new course that is going to be all about self-love for anyone who is single. After the success (read 100 views) of my YouTube course “Arrange Your Own Marriage”, I am really looking forward to this one.

  2. M.B.A. Assistance: This service is now by invite only. If you’d like to learn more about this change, you can read my blog.

  3. Ask Auntie: This was my video series on YouTube answering frequently asked questions by people in the market. I am playing with the format of this a little bit - this will now become a weekly series on Instagram where I’ll do a Q&A session every Tuesday through stories. I’ll post videos less frequently while I run this experiment. So, if you don’t already follow me on Instagram, you do can so here:

    Follow me

  4. Podcasts: Quite a few people had invited me on their podcasts, and so the last month has all been about conversations with several very awesome people. I’ll be sure to share links when these are aired.


Sneak peak into what I’m reading/ watching/ listening to:

  • 100 dias de enamorarnos: I have no idea how I stumbled upon this show on Netflix, but I binge watched it. It was so beautiful yet troubling to watch a marriage one would think as being “perfectly normal” for crumbling in front of your eyes. The things people do to jeopardise their love lives, I tell you.

  • Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel: I love her point of view on relationships in general. This book is all about the conflict between desire and stability, and how that plays out in different relationships. I would’ve liked to see a bit more diversity in the stories she chose for this book.

  • Hold me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson: This was such a refreshingly positive take on relationships. It really gave me hope for my own relationships. I would highly recommend reading this book.


P.S. - Have you noticed any change with my social media? I’d love to hear your feedback.

Marriage-ball

What a catch, or what’s the catch?

Shapely Gal is a newsletter that discusses love, relationships, marriage and the various markets these are traded on. This newsletter is a concoction of observations, theories, ideas, real stories, figments of imagination and sometimes just rants on romantic relationships.

Disclaimer: For those of you who are reading this and wondering who I think I am, I’ll try and articulate my thoughts. I am just an ordinary spectator of the marriage market. I do not possess any special powers apart from the will power to keep coming back and penning down my observations about the marriage market here for the world to snigger at on a weekly basis. If what I write triggers you, don’t read it.

I don’t know if you’ve read or watched Moneyball. I haven’t read the book, since I have no interest in baseball, but I’ve watched the movie once and heard enough about it that I broadly know the concepts. I strongly believe that those concepts are tremendously useful in the world of partner-hunting, and thought I should share them with you here.

The basic plot of Moneyball is simple - Oakland Athletic (“Oakland As”) are a baseball team who have far less money compared to their more illustrious rivals such as the New York Yankees or Boston Red Sox. This meant that for the longest period they couldn’t compete.

Then their former player Billy Beane (played by Brad Pitt in the movie), who had been their first draft pick but had struggled to establish himself in the Major League, became general manager. And they discovered analytics. And they discovered that they could use analytics to compete with the richer teams despite having far fewer resources. And they did rather well.

Everyone thinks of Moneyball being an analytics story. Based on my limited understanding of the movie, however, it is not so. It is the story of identifying and picking up undervalued assets. It is the story of defying conventional wisdom. It is the story of figuring out the right set of parameters to evaluate a player (no pun intended) on.

One concept from Moneyball is that the traditional baseball scouts looked at things that were generally assumed to be correlated with high performance, and would evaluate potential recruits based on these. They paid attention to how the player looked. They gave high marks to elegant batting stances. They looked for the swing, and the way that players ran. And so on and so forth.

The magic of Moneyball is that using analytics, the Oakland As figured out what parameters were truly correlated with performance on the field. By dispensing with the conventional set of proxies for performance, they were now able to pick out undervalued assets. This scene from the movie summarises their approach.

Now, I’m by no means proposing the use of analytics in picking your spouse - admittedly there’s a lot of feeling involved. What I’m telling you is that if you start looking at what really matters to the relationship, and your life with your potential partner, then you might be able to spot undervalued assets, and then get them to like you back.

Let’s consider some cases. Think of a guy who is well educated, has a good job and has been brought up with good values, but who has a receding hairline. When someone looks at this guy in the market, the first thing they will notice about him is the hairline, and immediately write him off. However, will this receding hairline have any impact on the relationship? Unlikely. You can see value in the market there.

Similarly, a smart and successful woman born under an unfavourable star might be seen unfavourably in the market. The star she was born under doesn’t necessarily affect your relationship, and so if you can look beyond that, you have an undervalued asset right there.

The thing with undervalued assets in the marriage market is that they are usually aware that they are undervalued. They are likely to have been in the market for a while and faced a number of rejections thanks to their “but”, and consequently, they may have lower expectations from a spouse. This means that if you look beyond their but, they may be willing to waive off your but.

What buts are not really buts?

It is human instinct to value someone based on how highly they are valued by everyone else (economists call this a “Keynesian beauty contest”). So, if someone is single and in the market, you can sometimes jump to the conclusion that “something must be wrong with them”. Instead, a better way of approaching such people is to try and figure out what their “but” is, and whether this but is something you are willing to ignore.

The most common “buts” are to do with physical appearances. Everything else remaining the same, less desirable looks (baldness, height, girth, etc.) have the least impact on the nature of your relationship. So that represents easy undervaluation.

Then, there is background and family background. People seem to get written off because of things that they didn’t choose - birth stars, parents’s jobs, size of the town they grew up in, or the social class that they belong to. If you are willing to look beyond these, once again you can get yourself a good deal.

However, the real unicorns in my opinion are people who are willing to accept you with your buts. The normal consensus is that if you have too many buts, or a major but, you are better off finding someone on your own, and completely avoiding the arranged marriage market. Yet, if someone in the arranged marriage market is willing to look beyond your but and accept you for who you are, you have a real winner in there.

Very often, however, I have seen people miss this opportunity because, well, no one wants to be a member of a club that accepts them as a member. People assume that if someone is willing to look beyond your but, they must be doing a good job of hiding their own but.

Whether that’s true or not, only time will tell.


More from Shapely Gal

Here’s a little sneak peak into the various projects I am working on:

  1. Dinner Club - Very happy to see that people are still curious about Dinner Club even after its completion. It’s immensely gratifying for an introvert like me (INTJ for those who care about MBTI) to have pulled off three months of intense social interaction with hundreds of people at a time.

  2. Ask Auntie: I am not a matchmaker. I mentor people who are looking to get married, and sometimes assist them with their search on matrimonial websites. People often ask me why I don’t have an exclusive database of my own that I use to matchmake. So, I decided to make a video explaining why.

  3. Shapely Gal: It’s been a year since I started writing this newsletter. Your constant feedback and encouragement has been immensely gratifying. Thank you. There isn’t a dearth of things to talk about love, relationships or marriages, but turns out creativity and discipline are usually orthogonal to each other. So, this issue onwards, this newsletter will be monthly rather than weekly.

In general, I am taking the next one month off from all side-projects and simply focusing on my day job, resting lots, travelling and learning new things.


Sneak peak into what I’m reading/ watching/ listening to:

Introduction to Psychology: I just started this course on Coursera, should be super interesting given that I’ve done some practicals before theory.

Mating in Captivity: About to finish off my current book, and planning to pick this up next. I find Esther Perel’s views pretty insightful in general.

Good company, and making decisions

Shapely Gal is a weekly-ish newsletter that discusses love, relationships, marriage and the various markets these are traded on. This newsletter is a concoction of observations, theories, ideas, real stories, figments of imagination and sometimes just rants on romantic relationships.

This week’s newsletter is about a show I watched last week, what it made me realise about why I chose my partner, and a looming question around if it’s really that simple.

My husband and I are very different individuals with hardly any shared interests. We don’t enjoy eating the same things or reading the same things or watching the same things. So, it’s very easy to remember the few things we’ve enjoyed watching together - Ganeshana Madhuve, Lord of the Rings, Masterchef Australia and Weekend with Ramesh.

We caught a fancy for Weekend with Ramesh when we lived together in Barcelona. We’d stream it using VPN - oh the sick pleasure of doing things that you’re not supposed to do. So, last week, when we found new seasons of Weekend with Ramesh that we hadn’t watched earlier, we got damn excited.

We happened to watch the episodes with Infosys’ Narayan Murthy and Sudha Murthy. Sudha spoke about her life during school, college and work, which was very relatable - growing up in a Brahmin household in Karnataka, never being treated differently at home because of gender, being the only girl in a sea of men at work and so on.

Then she spoke about meeting Narayan Murthy, and their married life. She said one thing about why she married Narayan Murthy, which was so simple, yet so profound. She said she chose him because she really enjoyed his company.

Good Company

It made me think about my first date with my husband. We’d “known” each other for two years before our first date. We walked and talked for hours. We spoke about mail vans, Vishnuvardhan, baby names and other inconsequential things. At the end of the evening, both of us knew that we really enjoyed each other’s company enough to want the evening to last longer. May be that was enough to get married? I don’t know. We still talk about very many inconsequential things, and really enjoy each other’s company enough to want to stay married, at least until now.

Sometimes, we tend to over complicate decisions as it allows us to defer making decisions that seem irreversible. When in doubt, postpone, right? Men call it lack of spark, women call it non-negotiable. If you think about why we look for a partner, it’s really only for companionship. Then, why do we let the logistics distract us so much?

For instance, on Dinner Club, some people had very enjoyable conversations during their first dates. Yet some people didn’t opt to go on a second date for various reasons - distance, intentions, looks and so on. How often do we find ourselves in good company, one that is mutually enjoyable, let alone wanting to wake up to each other every single day for the rest of our lives?

A lot of single people don’t realise this - but good company is very rare.

It’s one thing to have not found good company, but it’s really another to have let that go because you aren’t prepared to make the decision yet. The fundamental premise with which I do what I do at M.B.A. is that if you’re prepared to make this decision, you are more likely to discover good company, and not let that pass when it comes around.

How do you even prepare to make this decision?

Firstly, I don’t think you can ever be 100% prepared to welcome a new person in your life - be it a spouse or a child. There is a lot to be learnt on the go, so at best you can be ready to allow for personal growth. This is closely related to being vulnerable.

Most people by 30 feel like they’ve more or less settled into a certain personality, and there’s little room for growth, personality-wise. They’re fiercely open to growing professionally, but trying telling them that they’ve a long way to becoming a full person, you’ll know what I mean. I am not in any way beyond this myself.

Most of the time I am busy telling myself that I love myself the way I am, and if anything, the world has to love me for who I am because I’ve spent my whole life trying. This includes my spouse too. Sounds familiar? But do we really know who we are? Do we really think we’re everything we could ever be? Do we really think we’re everything we ever want to be?

Allowing yourself the chance to find out is the first step in allowing someone else to find you. Now, lots of people who find love don’t need to go through these deliberate exercises of figuring out who they are or who they want to be. It just happens. That’s also because in general, they’re open to possibilities, and luck (or chance, or whatever you want to call it) happens to favour them too.

If that’s not the case with you, you may have to start by asking yourself if you’re ready to lose a bit of yourself and discover new bits of you in the process of accommodating another person in your life. If you’re ready to ask yourself these questions, and are looking for guidance, you know where to find me.


More from Shapely Gal

Here’s a little sneak peak into the various projects I am working on:

  1. Dinner Club - Some joys are personal, some are shared. I feel so grateful to have been able to share the joy of bringing people together and orchestrating experiences with hundreds of people through this passion project. That’s the beauty of short-lived projects, or flings - you only do it as long as it’s fun.

  2. Ask Auntie: Should I sign up on a matrimonial site? If this is a question you’ve EVER had, you must watch this video. I talk about why this is the right place to start your search, and not end it.

  3. M.B.A. Advisory: Launched a new service called Advisory Annual Pass that promises good company through the rather lonely journey of finding oneself a partner. Check it out if you think it’s something you might find valuable.


Sneak peak into what I’m reading/ watching/ listening to:

  1. Masaba Masaba: Binge-watched this show on Netflix. I am still recovering from what’s been my busiest month this year, so needed something mindless.

  2. Embracing the pandemic: Dating right now can be painfully slow, and sometimes its hard to really figure out where your relationship is headed. But it’s okay.

  3. Filipino movies: I just discovered this, thanks to Netflix. I am yet to find something worth recommending, but it’s great time pass. Looks like this guy is the Shah Rukh Khan of Filipino movies. No?

Finished products, please.

Shapely Gal is a weekly-ish newsletter that discusses love, relationships, marriage and the various markets these are traded on. This newsletter is a concoction of observations, theories, ideas, real stories, figments of imagination and sometimes just rants on romantic relationships.

As the more perceptive among you might already know, the week before last I wrote about unambitious boys. That post led to some interesting conversations, which I am going to synthesise for this one. 

Training

The fundamental concept is that traditionally, men have married for "finished product" while women have married for "potential". The theory goes that every woman picks her man based on her perception of "how she can improve him", and mould him, or "train" him. 

For example, last weekend I had this wonderful Instagram Live chat with "Bangalore's Natalie Portman" Urvashi Goverdhan. During the course of that chat I mentioned to her about how my husband had been a wee bit apprehensive when I went to Barcelona all alone to do my MBA, and about how I told him that he need not worry because I wasn't going to throw away 4 years of training him so easily. 

Now, I'm not saying that he has improved considerably since the time we got married (it’s been 10 years), or that he has lived up to the potential that I saw in him when we got married. However, that never stops me from trying to improve him. I constantly believe that all his quirks are a phase, and that I can train him to get rid of them and become the man I thought he might become. 

As a part of research for this piece, I asked the husband this morning… 

P: Why do you think I nag you or tell you what to do with your life?

K: I like you for who you are but you like me for who you can make me. 

P: I am sorry I came with a pretty face.

K: which isn’t changing for the better either, you know.

P: So, I guess we’re even?
P: No, wait. I married you for potential. You weren’t even good to start off with.

K: Haha, that’s your f*ck up, not my problem.

P: Sigh.

And I'm not alone when it comes to this. I’ve seen tonnes of wives like these. At least traditionally, most women have been this way - they marry based on potential (ability to earn a living, encourage their hobbies et all) and constantly try to improve and train their husbands. This is also one reason why it is rather common for women to nag their husbands, but seldom the other way round - husbands don't usually try to improve their wives. 

This is because men and women look for different things when they are looking to get married (OK I'm generalising here, but this applies to most).

What we look for

Women want a man who is well-educated, well-settled, ambitious, but risk averse, takes initiative, but encourages women to have equal opportunities, is independent thinking, but consults the partner in all major decisions, is charming, but loyal, looks good, but doesn’t care about a woman’s looks yada yada yada. 

A man wants a woman who looks pretty, and who cares to like him back (this latter constraint puts a limit on how pretty a woman he can get - remember we are in a matching market here). 

Notice how long each list is. The length of the woman's wants means that it is next to impossible to find someone who satisfies each of those criteria, is single AND likes back the woman. Hence, women have, over the years and decades and generations, settled for evaluating the man based on potential. 

It's OK if the man is not well-settled if he shows the potential (based on his degrees or whatever) to be well-settled at a future point in time. 

It is OK if a man is not risk-averse but can be made to be one (think about the dad in Paddington, the movie). 

It is OK if the man doesn't yet encourage the woman to have equal opportunities but can be suitably incentivised (or "trained", maybe) to be encouraging. 

And so on. 

So what's different Now? 

The reason this age-old formula where the woman evaluates a man based on potential has broken down. Witness the twitter reactions to Sima Aunty's exhortations to her clients to "compromise" - it was largely women who were triggered by these exhortations.

Independent women who are doing well in their careers today believe that they have earned the right to not want to compromise (they damn right have), and one way in which they will execute on that is to marry a man NOT for his potential but for who he is (if this were the 90s I could have cracked a bad joke about the man's Kinetic, but never mind). 

While every woman has every right to want what she wants, what people in the market for relationships need to remember is that they operate in a matching market - it is no use liking someone if that person doesn't like you back. And no - liking you back isn't something that can be "trained". 

What is potential? 

While marrying based on potential is all good, some women (like myself) make the mistake of evaluating potential solely based on the man's education, and the "institutes of national importance" that he studied in. What we fail to account for when we mistake education for potential is that some education is possible only at the cost of significant sacrifices in terms of social life.

Think about someone preparing for highly competitive undergrads - they spend the better part of standards XI and XII (prime age for starting the process of finding partners) buried in their books. If their preparation for the highly competitive undergrads is successful, it means four more years in a largely male environment at the end of which they are pretty much incapable of marrying a woman. 

In other words, by the time these men come to the arranged marriage market, they might show significant potential on professional grounds, but little on the emotional front. 

Investing in these men, in some ways, is like making an early stage angel investment (except that you are the only person investing and you get a pretty large stake - at a high price). If it pays off (you are able to train him, basically), it will pay off spectacularly. In case it doesn't (their lack of social and emotional skills being a much higher barrier than you had imagined), it can lead to you questioning your decision-making every other day. 

In other words, you should go for angel sort of investment if and only if you have high self-esteem, an appetite for risk, confidence to influence and persistence. 

Investing for potential 

Based on people I've encountered in the last few months,  I find this massive gulf between what women want and what they get. Once again - I need to remind you that you can want what you want to want, but you can only get what the market can provide you. 

One simple solution I'm proposing here is to go traditional - and trade based on potential rather than on how the person is now. Look for the basics (alignment on the type of relationship you both want to build), and the ability to get trained. Remember that the more you deliberate this decision, the worse the market gets for you.

And no, men are not going to be the ones marrying for potential - all they need is to be physically attracted to you, and it is only in the very rare case that that can "improve" over time. 

Age is a bitch.


More from Shapely Gal

Here’s a little sneak peak into the various projects I am working on:

  1. Dinner Club - This is the last week of Dinner Club. It really is a bitter sweet moment. No doubt I’ll get to finally sleep a whole night, but I’ll surely miss orchestrating serendipity everyday.

  2. Ask Auntie: Since I spend most of my mornings foraging matches for my assistance clients, I have realised that some people just cannot write a good bio. So, I decided to make a video sharing insights on how to make a simple, yet effective bio for your matrimonial profiles.


Sneak Peak into what I’m reading/ watching/ listening to:

Why is this so overwhelming?

Shapely Gal is a weekly-ish newsletter that discusses love, relationships, marriage and the various markets these are traded on. This newsletter is a concoction of observations, theories, ideas, real stories, figments of imagination and sometimes just rants on romantic relationships.

This week’s newsletter attempts to rationalise why the decision of finding a life partner is so overwhelming. Because, it is overwhelming.

Thanks to Dinner Club, Indian matchmaking and its aftereffects, I’ve been speaking to more people than I can really keep tab. The one common thread in these conversations is how overwhelming the decision of choosing a life partner is. People go from having a check-list to not and the other way round too, but mostly nothing ever helps.

This is the first big decision most people make as adults since pretty much everything prior to this is decided by parents, society and entrance exam evaluators. Although you hear your parents saying things like how you perform on the 10th boards or 12th boards will decide the rest of your life, you know it really doesn’t. But who you marry definitely determines the way you live for the rest of your life or however long your marriage lasts.

If it’s scary to be responsible for a decision with such significant repercussions, it’s understandable. You are not alone, to say the very least.

So, how can you make it easier to decide?

First of all, you need to realise that this isn’t IIT-JEE or CAT where lakhs of people apply. This means you need to stop acting like the exam evaluator whose primary aim is to eliminate applicants. If you’re lucky, you’ll meet a handful of people who are genuinely interested in building a relationship with you. So, your job is to figure out who you are likely to enjoy building this relationship with. That’s all.

Even if they satisfy 5/5 things on your list of absolute non-negotiables in a relationship, there will be a million things you will hate about them over time. But guess what? It’s okay. If someone ever tells you that marriages are 100% positive, they’ve no idea what they’re talking about.

You may be in a relationship where you have great conversations and you push each other constantly in order to grow together, but you may also find that your partner is dependent or connected with his/ her family in ways you can never imagine or tolerate. What are you going to do then? Leave?

This decision is not just about figuring out what you want from a relationship, it’s also about understanding your own tolerance for imperfections.

What to do about red flags?

Dude, red flags are all over the place. The fact that my husband wants to eat chapatti everyday is a red flag. Although this affects me on a daily basis, I’d much rather be with a guy who doesn’t judge me when we argue occasionally.

I have insane control issues, and I hate to be left hanging, without some sort of a resolution when there’s a disagreement/ argument. I married a man (who is still my husband) because we always talk things out although we’ve still not figured out how to do it calmly. But what matters is that both of us seek and invest time/ energy into resolution.

Where you draw the line is really up to you. But I am just going to say one thing - some things affect relationships more than the others. So, make sure you worry about things that matter to you in the long run.

But you want spark also no?

I know people act like spark is one very mysterious thing that is intangible and out of this world and you’ll only know when it happens and all that jazz. But who are we kidding? Spark is just a polite word for erection and the equivalent of that for a woman. We use it to mask our embarrassment for feeling superficial. If you care about looks, you care about looks. If you care about intelligence, you care about intelligence. If you care about the effect your partner has on other people, you do. If you’re insecure and need someone else to make you feel good, it is what it is. But calling it spark and pretending like the universe will tell you when to marry is a little naive, don’t you think?

Every constraint you add to your set of criteria is like adding a polarising filter. The more the number of filters, the less the light that passes. God forbid you’ve two filters that are orthogonal to each other, nothing will reach you.

Finding a partner isn’t like going for a buffet meal where you’ll get a little bit of everything for a lower price. In fact, it’s the contrary. If you eat gobi, then you can’t get baby.

What to do then?

If I had to put it the Amazon way (I used to be employed with them until a year ago) -

Choosing a life partner is like…

  • walking the fine line between deep dive and bias for action

  • it’s about thinking big or long-term

  • it’s about inventing and simplifying your criteria

  • it’s about hiring and developing the best prospect

  • it’s about being customer obsessed, and customer in this case is the relationship you will build with another individual.

  • it’s about learning, and being curious about the other person and being open to the possibilities of what you can build together

  • its about earning trust - of yourself as well as your partner

  • it’s about insisting on the highest standards for each other

  • it takes backbone, disagreeing and committing to your relationship

  • it’s also about taking ownership for your decision

  • it’s about frugality - accomplishing more with less. What matters is the relationship you build, nobody cares about who you married

  • it’s also about being right a lot

  • and at the end of the day it’s about DELIVERING RESULTS.

Once you’ve gotten into a relationship, it is always DAY 1.


More from Shapely Gal

Here’s a little sneak peak into the various projects I am working on:

  1. Dinner Club - I cannot believe that in less than two weeks this will all be over and I’ll have so much time on my hands. This will allow me to explore scaling (or not) and tech that can help do it (or not). Thanks to all the very awesome people who’ve reached out to help. I am ever so grateful.

  2. Ask Auntie: Okay this one’s a bit harsh, but I felt like someone had to say it. Those of you who know me know that this doesn’t end here and there will be a video for parents of women too. So don’t get too excited.

  3. Auntie Vs Algorithm: I did this fun video podcast with actor and influencer, Urvashi Goverdhan that you can check out here. It’s full of puns, jokes and laughs.

  4. M.B.A. - I’ve had a lot of women sign up with me for assistance, so I am going to have to temporarily halt applications from women. Who knew anyone would suffer from the problem of too many women, huh?


Loading more posts…